How to Embarrass Your Parents

Poor Mr and Mrs E...
Their drain is backed up as can be.
They call Herring to come,
And he goes on the run
Out for a Sunday emergency.
Up comes the top of the tank,
Herring looks down and goes blank. Before he could tweak, his lips start to speak “What are you running a whorehouse here”
The tank was full up to the brink!
No one quite knew what to think.
The unmentionables inside
Made the poor mother cry.
Her three daughters were busy behind parent eye.
The moral that I want to send
Is a secret always finds its bitter end.
So you know what to do
That is most best for you,
And you’ll pair up in the woods like your friends.

Toys for Plops: Advice from Momma Herring

You flush your toys
Both big and the small
You think it’s fun to watch them drown But Stinky warns both girls and boys
Just play with them don’t flush them down Stinky Winky
Your Favorite Pile of Poo
If you do - Call Herring!

How to Suck and Blow

Suck and blow
Who do you know
Suck and blow Suck and blow
Play this game on the go
No no silly girl it’s not what you think Pishaw silly boy get your mind off that ink
It’s the game Herring plays
All night and all day
Weekdays and weekends
When you’re out with your friends
We’ll suck up your poop
We’ll empty your tank
We’ll fill up our truck
No need to say thanks
Now you go and play
And enjoy this fine day
While we suck and we blow
All your poop far away

How To Butter Your Bread

Toast is toast,
You don’t gotta boast.
Jelly jam, Brie and Spam,
Try some green eggs and ham.
Herring is over your fancy food toppin’
Your shit’s our bread and butter,
Ain’t no way of stoppin’
This is the story our pens told back in the day
It was the 70's son - disco was here to stay!
Our peeps, they all loved it and waved their pens high!
They sent cards and paid bills with these inkers so fly.
Herring babes went to school, St Columba the place.
Pic drawin’, test takin’, that shit’s in your face!
The Nuns guns were blazin’ when they got wind…
The kids were confused - why you trippin’? Shit ain’t no sin!
Herring was summoned down to school.
They got off of the can, Rolled their eyes at that fool.
Who knows what is up with that Nun at the school?
What’s your beef Mr Man? Why you off of your nut?
Ain’t you seen the boob tube? Shit is what we all got!
Simmer down and buzz off take a chill pill Man.
What’s your beef with our pens, you gotta take down that ban!
This story may be a few decades old,
But even today the shit pens are done told
To the Herrings in seasons when their pumping is due
Die hard fans of shit pens, bread and butter too.
Peace out.

How To Ask a Question

It’s another day at Herring heading out to town
Ready for some pumping up the street and down
The drivers and the pumpers jump in their trucks to go
Each address they visit to help maintain the flow
Each job a different family or office park or lot
Each address with septic - no sewer have they got
Some have gates and fences
Some have locks and guards
Some have full on trenches
Some have dogs in the yard
Derek is a pumper, one of Herring’s best
He’s always very thorough, and never leaves a mess
On a bright and sunny day, he drives up to a house
And then he sees a pit bull running like a mouse
He calls the homeowner up and asks does your dog bite?
She answers oh so brightly, “not once no need for fright!”
Derek gets his hoses and pumps the septic tank
The pup just keeps on running, from hill to knoll to bank
Derek isn’t worried, not one small tiny bit
Until he hears the barking from far beyond the shit
He knows in that one moment this bully’s far from home
She’s not the dog the owner referred to on the phone
His new found friend the pittie whines sadly when he leaves
And Derek learns his lesson have another question up his sleeve
Not only will he ask them “Does your dog bite”
But also he will query if the dog is locked up tight
So call Herring for your septic tank and pumping needs
And your friendly furry family will have new friend indeed

How To Flush Your Feast

Gratitude is the attitude -
Here’s a story to share!
A shiny disposition your position
So party host be aware -
It’s Thanksgiving day and the turkey is cooking
But what’s this! A surprise in the toilet - no looking!
Our family draws near and our friends down the road,
All of them descending on my festive abode!
The turkey is bastey and looking so tasty
The pies and the stuffings look far from pasty
Then I noticed the pottie with a look of pure fright -
It must have happened in the deep of the night!
The toilets are stopped solid up to the topping!
Call Herring call Herring! They come without stopping!
10 years it has been since a pump was afoot.
10 years in a row - flush flush flush put put put.
Jason Herring drove in on his red and white horse.
Hose blazing, he pumped out the tank with great force.
He tamed the wild beast and cleaned up the mess,
There would not be a hint of the dirt for the guests.
And with tears in my eyes, my gratitude high,
I hugged Mr Herring, my white knight of poop guy!
When hands were grasped around the table that night,
We all shared our gratitude both heavy and light.
I told my story with glory of the saved turkey feast
And we gathered to gaze on the slayer of poop beast.
Herring oh Herring oh the thanks you have you got
You made my Thanksgiving the best of the lot!

How To Blush from a Flush

Mrs H is very upset.
She went to the toilet and her feet got wet.
When Herring came out and pumped out her tank the feminine products were filled to the brink.
Mrs H said how could you do?
Those are my private things and no business to you.
Herring bowed and went on his way.
Mrs H blushed but her flush was OK.

How To Vichyssoise

I’m a cook a chef a Gourmond!
Whisky Glazed Brie over Prawns
My kitchen’s the envy of all!
Coconut Milk Vichyssoise
I throw the most fancy affairs!
Wellington Paiea with Pears
When the meal is done
I clean up with aplomb
Now You say that Herring
Says our septic is blaring
With greaser than grease
Filled fuller than full
Raised higher than high
Filled up to the sky!
Don’t tell me of your greasy mess
The neighbor's the one that’s my guess
You point the finger at me
But I point it at she
And if you want more lovin’
You’ll piss off and pull my buns from the oven

How To Socialize?

Gather ‘round come on down family time rolls around.
Connect and catch up bring the cat and the pup.
An event not to miss bring your bro and your sis.
Have some stories to share we don't care what you wear.
2 years have gone by how the time sure does fly.
You can’t look away septic pumping today!

Poop Song - Potty Training 101 (Cover)

Memories of Grandpa’s Love and Septic Pumper Trucks

Stinky Winky joins Fishkill Little League Jaguars Softball Team

Stinky Winky's Newest Product - the Shit Fit (spoof)

Office Staff Sharon Herring and Andrea Ridpath React to Poop News - Episode 1

Office Staff Reactions to Poop News - Episode 2